What if hindsight is the year 2020?!? What if everything that we have expected, longed for, and aspired to be begins this year? What exactly is 2020 vision….besides being my tag line since January 1?? According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology’s website, 2020 vision means normal vision. Imagine that…normal. What if we had striven so hard prior to this year to see clearer, and be the laser focused, neurotically work-driven, fast paced super humans that we had become…that somehow our “normal vision” had become far too intense to actually SEE what was right in front of us the whole entire time?

Maybe our generation needed over a century to recover, rise, and fall again due to another global pandemic. A wise older brother of mine once said that every generation typically falls due to outsmarting themselves. What if we have done just that? Whether you are a firm believer in God cleansing the Earth, global warfare conspiracy theories, some sort of alien-like, cosmic overtaking of the 5G network, or Communistic underground game planning…..we are called to PAUSE. Besides the grave economic state and the unfortuate loss of .006% of the worldly population (God rest their souls)…the other 99.994% of us are called to make sense of all of this. It is no wonder that every action is being monitored, every media source is on high alert, and we are left with uncertainty and concern for humankind. We are called to PAUSE.

What does your pause look like? Does it look like a neighborhood full of children’s laughter, neighbors walking nightly, phoning your loved ones, reaching out to old friends, working on that project that’s been put aside for 7 years? For me it has meant embracing the time we have here on Earth…the time we have been so blindly taking advantage of for so long. It means enjoying the extra hour of sleep, the extra hour of playtime with my kids, the extra months of them at home with me (albeit hell some days), watching the birds flutter from tree to fence, feeling the sun-kissed air on tired skin while staring at bright green leaves against a cool blue skyline…it means breathing again. I have been holding my breath and closing my eyes for so long. We are called to SEE.

We are not born with clear vision….it happens over time! “In fact, it takes more than six months of meticulous development in utero before your little one’s eyes are ready to process visual information from the outside world.” from http://www.whattoexpect.com. And even after we are born it takes some time for our eyesight to develop into what it eventually becomes. So what if this year is a culmination of years and years of development, years of learning curves, years of hard-and-fast lessons meant to be turned upside down…all for the sake of saving ourselves? Saving ourselves for the moments that count…cherishing every last bite, expressing thanks for every single day, and loving each moment with enough clarity to see that normal is enough. Normal is the brilliance we have been seeking all along…and it is ours. 2020 is the year we are called to regain our appreciation for life. We are called to LIVE.

I…have been putting this off for so many days….for the same reasons I put off writing for so long. Self-sabotaging thoughts, life events, general laziness, and over-thinking…aka the story of my life. When I finally decided to open this blog, we had just gone on Stay-At-Home orders due to the pandemic now infamously known, as Covid-19 or the Corona virus. It was almost exactly one year and three months since the day my Mother had passed away…and approaching my eleventh anniversary to my husband. Needless to say I was riddled with the incessant urge to finally do something just for me…no more hesitations, no more excuses, no more waiting for the perfect day or song to inspire me! Facing uncertain times, I decided it was now. I needed to get my heart transcribed into words…piece by piece. Today.

Let’s start with a little bit about me and why I love to write. I am the sixth child of Joseph and Constance. And by sixth, I mean my Mom was nearing 40 years old and did not think she could possibly have any more children (in a 1980 world that’s an old Mommy). In fact before getting confirmation, she thought she was sick because she’d inhaled, too, much of the rat poisoning she had laid in my parent’s cozy home of eight at the time! Can we say denial? Ha!! (I love you Mom!) It was not long after, she had to accept the reality of having a brand new baby to care for along with her newly widowed mother, my siblings ranging from 10-16 years old, and office management for my Dad’s bustling business that had just moved into their home. So again, let me reiterate acceptance of the SIXTH child…among all of those responsibilities. In fact just typing this makes me stop, and appreciate her more. Wow.

Moving right along and jumping ahead some years….let’s just say as the youngest my extra-curriculars were not vast! My interests ranged from super-student to gobs of highly imaginative alone time. Now don’t get me wrong! I lived a privileged childhood. Enrolled in private school, a member of the church children’s choir, and dance lessons….I had opportunities for socialization and growth. I just did not play sports or have a huge social life with friends. Well duh! My parents were a bit busy. And only now as a parent of three, myself, do I TRULY get it. I haven’t accomplished half as much, yet, and I still struggle to keep up. But in all my years….I have been able to write and express my feelings. It was through writing I gained confidence, a voice, and a feeling I could do anything with words. Sitting in my room and listening to my favorite music…I’d write papers, journal entries, poems, possibly songs….anything. Words.

Now you are likely wondering my point? While I have been over-analyzing EVERY, SINGLE life decision since the age of 14….I have had it right under my nose. My parents gave me many gifts. Gifts like the love of music, a near obsession and devotion to family, a love of porch swings, dancing until it hurts, laughing until you cry, fighting for your truth, my faith, inclusivity, and always bucking the norm…but the one divine gift that they gave me was to dream…and never stop. At many times in my life, individually and apart, they both have nearly begged me to keep writing. Mostly during those times my cheeks would blush and my eyes roll. However their words, they have stuck. So here I am today, listening to my favorite songs, thinking of them, contemplating my own family’s future…and I decided it’s time to write. Unsure of where this will go, but continuing to hope for clear vision. Dream.

I am sitting here enjoying the second glass of Menage a Trois White Blend with my husband, as a nod to my 11th wedding anniversary, and it is Day 4 (unofficially and technically 12, but who’s counting) of a stay-at-home order due to a global pandemic….and it is finally time to start that blog! Life is too short. Je ne sais quoi!! I do not know what exactly calls me to write, but I must. And I honestly hope that my interests and passion for life inspire YOU to be more, want more, dream more, and therefore BE more. So as I begin this journey to express my love for life and share it with all…I hope to….Spark the Light Inside of YOU!

Welcome. Please feel free to leave your thoughts. I look forward to them!

 “It is in our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” Aristotle